I’ve been out of integrity in a lot of ways, so I took to journaling to get to the bottom of this.
First, what came up was that I’m binge eating while I’ve been focused the past few months on bettering my relationship with food; it’s gotten worst in recent months.
Next, I saw my relationship to cannabis and have gone from working with this sacred medicine as a tool to a crutch that I’ve leaned on as of late.
As I continued to look at where else I’ve been out of integrity, I’ve noticed how my workouts have decreased and my couch time has double downed, which makes for a bad recipe when stacked with cannabis and binge eating … *facepalm.
Hence, the Investigation within
So, I took to revisiting “my parts” … some IFS work and this blog is what came of it. I’m sharing this with you so you can see the practical application of Internal Family Systems and how it can help to bring clarity and homeostasis within.
Enter, my parts…
First up, we have Larry. Larry represents my Self Sabotage and Self Dislike. Larry likes the known state of playing small and being stuck in victim mentality. Larry doesn’t want to try for not that because he’s lazy. Larry doesn’t try because he is afraid of failure. Larry just needs to know he’s going to be okay. Larry needs to understand that he is loved unconditionally.
Next up, we have Sandy. Sandy doesn’t want to “do the work” … I know this part all too well, unfortunately. Sandy has come back again and really just thrives off of feeling anxiety, for it’s her comfort zone. While Larry is frustrated and full of fear + hate as a result of his “stuckness”, Sandy’s comfort zone is anxiety and she uses binge scrolling, eating and most recently binge smoking (cannabis) as a coping mechanism. Sandy just wants to escape the present moment. Sandy needs to come back to her breath. To pause, take a few deep conscious inhales and exhales. Closing her eyes feeling the life force energy move from her feet to her head and sink into presence through regulating her nervous system.
Barry can’t sit still … not even to scroll. Barry is constantly looking over his shoulder. Not to see if anyone’s looking at him for paranoia… oh no, Barry is looking for the next thing to do. What to eat next, where to go next, who to connect with. Barry wears his mask of “busyness” well while he’s stuck in his “doingness”, yet under the mask, Barry is worried. He’s worried that he’ll get left behind as he hasn’t healed his scars of being left out. Barry just simply needs to own his Worth. It’s time for Barry to remember who he is and his divine unique gifts … to conquer “comparisonitis” (to borrow a term from past guest of my pod, Anahata Ananda).
Finally, we have Josh … my inner skeptic. He wants to Believe. He wants to feel the interconnectedness and an unwavering Faith that connects him to his place in the Universe. In reality, Josh does believe in himself … and the Universe at large … and even so, he still gaslights himself. Josh is afraid to let the foundation of which his beliefs were set to crash and fully dismantle. Josh is stuck in disbelief of the ease of it all. Josh wants so bad to relax more and try less … to embody the teachings of Neville Goddard to manifest with ease. What Josh needs is simple … and will only be accessed when he surrenders. What Josh needs is to relax and let the voices be heard and witnessed without getting lost in the story or what it means. Just be, Josh.
These are but just a few of my parts within. These are the parts that have kept me from being in alignment. These represent the aspects of myself that kept me stuck. When we get stuck, it’s for a reason. It’s notice that we’ve veered off of our path. For me, it feels less of a path, and more of a river. A river that I’m swimming upstream without a raft and without a paddle. And if I ignore the lack of ease in this flow, then soon I’ll be barreled by the roaring rapids. Which is why it’s so crucial to slow down to see the signs, listen to the guidance and go within to course correct.
A Plan forward.
If you’re new to Internal Family Systems (IFS), this is a psychotherapy practice also known as Parts Work, for it is at it’s core to get to know the various parts of your inner self.
I like to journal about these parts and give them a name. If you choose to do this, just take some space to find a comfortable setting and journal with the following prompts
- How do I feel right now?
- Where am I out of integrity?
- Is there a part of me that wants to be heard?
- What’s this parts name?
- What does this part represent?
- What does this part really need?
This, my friend, is “shadow work” at its core. Utilizing a practice to make the unconscious conscious.
If you want to go deeper, here’s a link to my free 5 Day Challenge.
Thank you for getting to know my parts, as you heal, I heal … and we all grow and expand together.
So it is,